So, let’s talk about what I’m currently doing with my diet. And, actually, we can start right there. There is no more diet. I can’t do it anymore: having my life revolve around the number on the scale and letting that number control how I feel for the rest of the day, getting on that scale day and night in the hopes of seeing even the tiniest drop in weight, cutting out more and more foods (including fruit) because maybe I’ll lose an extra oz that way, not allowing myself to eat anything off my plan even if it’s veggies at Coffee Hour at church simply because there’s no food scale there to weigh them. Forcing extra stomach meds because maybe if I use the bathroom more I’ll lose more, replacing more and more foods with protein bars and shakes be cause they’re easier to track and maybe they’ll help me lose more weight, planning for my next possible “cheat” day and watching it turn into a massive binge in my head and knowing how sick it’ll make me but not caring because I had to stay away from all that food so, hell, let’s get sick… I can go on and on but I’ll stop there. I’m just done with it. I can’t mentally handle it anymore. This week’s Motivational Monday is all about having a healthy relationship with your body and my relationship with my body sucks and is getting worse as I go on so I’m changing it as of now.
I’m saying goodbye to the super strict diet and I’m saying hello to a lifestyle change. I’m stepping back from the obsession and I’m stepping back from the scale, not fully but by a lot. I want to focus on healthy food, more real food and eating in a way that will give me the strength and energy I need to have a consistent workout routine. I’m getting rid of the idea of cheat foods and meals because cutting that food out completely is making things in my brain worse. Most of the time I’ll eat healthy and sometimes I’ll have thing that aren’t as healthy but if I can keep them to small portions and simply make them fit my calorie goal I may be able to handle it. And sometimes, rarely, there will be a day or two when I don't even come close to the sticking to a calorie goal like special occasional, Christmas, vacation... whatever and that will be okay too as long as it's truly occasional and not constant.
I still plan to count calories and weigh and measure my food since I can’t eyeball for the life of me and I can easily overeat without a second thought if I don’t count and track but I plan to loosen things up a little. If I’m at a meeting or something and fruit and veggies are being offered I can actually have some without weighing or tracking them and it’s okay to do that. Also, I have absolutely no problem counting calories and weighing/measuring for the rest of my life so I'm considering that part of my lifestyle.
I still plan to do moderate carb most of the time simply because thats’s how I feel my best physically and, despite how I will miss them, I plan to cut out my beloved keto muffins because if I’m not doing keto, the amount of fat in one muffin is way too much for my body. But I'm also going to have low carb and high carb days because carbs are not my focus right now, calories and finding a mentally healthy approach to food is. Calories in and calories out is my main approach and everything else will fall where it falls.
I will still use the scale but I’m cutting it back to once a month on the first which is when I’ll also keep taking my measurements. This way I may be able to put the scale obsession away for a while. I hope.
I know I’ve tried this before and the binging tripped me up but I feel more able to handle it now. Actually, I’ve been off the no-cheat plan since Monday and I have yet to binge so I’m considering that a success.
And yes, I have a lot of weight left to lose and a lot of weight I want and need to lose but I can’t keep relying on no-cheat diets and binging on my off days because that’s not the path to a healthy mind and body. It might take me longer to lose and the loss may be slower but I'm not in a hurry. I'm just living my life and working on making it the healthiest life possible!
So I’m going to focus on small steps and a consistent plan for both food and exercise, do my best to be the healthiest I can be and see what happens.
Wish me luck!
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